Tag Archives: James Payne

4 Ways to Strengthen Your Negotiating Skills

Originally posted Meetings Today

“Unless you wake up in the morning with a script next to your bed and on that script is everything you’ll say and do and everything those with whom you will interact will say and do, you’re doing improv(isation).” – Izzy Gesell*

Hold that thought.

Because right now, December, it’s that most awful time of the year (sorry Mr. Pola and Mr. Wyle—you did it better), when groups and hotels, in particular, are champing at the bit to get year-end contracts signed.

Sadly, when negotiations are rushed—whether month or quarter-end or in particular, year-end—they are negatively impacted and we end up with a product (contract) that may or may not reflect the intentions and understanding of the parties to the contract(s). Ideal negotiations involve patient listening and responding that moves the discussion forward in a productive fashion.

Added to the complications of rushed negotiations are the phrases “It’s our policy” (or “It’s not our policy”), “No one’s ever asked us/wanted that,” “I have to have that or we can’t sign,” “You’ll have to talk with legal or procurement or revenue management [you know, the Great and Powerful Oz!] and we don’t have time” and “If you don’t sign by (date), you’ll lose the whole deal.”

It’s as if everyone is scripted to say what they are told to say—the “Stepford Negotiations” perhaps we can call them!—and we do in fact revert to script versus listening and responding to what is being said. And as I learned from Izzy Gesell, none of us wake up with a script for who will say what and when.

*Gesell’s quote is paraphrased at the start of this blog.

I had one of those awful negotiations this past spring—one of the most miserable experiences ever … and in a 40+ year career, that’s saying something!

Sadly, because of the antagonistic attitude of the vendor parties (not my client but those with whom I was negotiating on their behalf), all my improvisation training and knowledge went out the door! Stress, because of critical issues and deadlines, can get the better of even the most experienced of planners.

This is the first December in years, kinehora, when I’m not faced with contract deadlines (Thank you, dear clients!). There are of course, other deadlines and the usual year-end workload when everyone else seems to be mentally or physically away (out of the office messages abound!), but no contracts … so far!

For many of you, the deadlines loom and it’s not really Dec. 31, is it? It’s more likely Dec. 20 before everyone leaves on vacation. Take a deep breath and read on. This blog can help you now and for future negotiations.

In numerous discussions on social media and elsewhere with colleagues, and in training I’ve conducted for classes in the industry and for a risk and contracts class for the University of North Carolina-Charlotte, the issues of how best and what to negotiate are always part of the conversation. How much can we get? What do we ask for? What are the hidden charges? (For this one, if you haven’t, tune in to the free webinar that Kelly Franklin Bagnall, Esq., and I presented for Meetings Today in October 2017).

What’s covered in force majeure protection? If concessions are first on our list of needs, are we getting enough? And on and on.

[If you are interested in receiving a checklist of items I think are critical to consider during negotiations or to include in a contract, email me at FridayWithJoan@aol.com and put “Negotiations and Contract Checklist” in the subject line. I’ll send you the checklist I use to develop contracts and for teaching others.]

What is usually taught in our industry about negotiations is to prioritize what is needed including the meeting content and delivery needs for the group and to present the group’s needs in an RFP, and for the vendor or facility to provide a proposal (often called a contract and, in my opinion, too often signed as is with no negotiation or counter-offer).

The how of doing so—negotiating—is written about in many books and online articles. For me, the best training I ever received was when I took my first improvisation class after, a few years prior, a dear friend (Librettist James Racheff) tried to teach me improv saying it was a tool that the business world needed. I confess to being too self-conscious to let go and really learn. But the improv bug had bitten. When another opportunity arose, I grabbed it and signed up for two improv classes at the International Association of Facilitators conference. I told everyone I’d signed up so that I wouldn’t back out!

I was still convinced that improvisation was “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” or Second City—as many still do—and I sure didn’t want to be on a stage no matter what my great high school speech teacher, Jim Payne, thought!

Facilitation and improv classes have taught me numerous lessons.

The two most important are to say:

  • “Tell me more,” a classic facilitation phrase that moves a conversation forward while getting the information needed.
  • “Yes, and…” versus “Yes, but…” Izzy Gesell and Bob Korin detail more about these in the Friday With Joan sidebar. “Yes, and…” carries the conversation forward and, in negotiations, acknowledges one’s own needs and wants while learning of and acknowledging the needs and wants of the person with whom you are negotiating.

When I think about successful negotiations, I realize how much the parties to the negotiations use improv to make them successful. And I know that the least successful of negotiations are the foot-stomping, my-way-or-the-highway ones where there is no give and take, all “Yes, but…” versus “Yes, and…”

Here then are four specific ways—and a bonus precursor—to better, more successful quality negotiations and ultimately, contracts:

  1. Determine what you need, want and must have and detail those in writing in an RFP.
  2. Ask those with whom you are negotiating for their needs, wants and must-haves.
  3. Acknowledge each other’s needs, wants and must-haves, whether it’s wording (not just because “legal said so” or “we’ve always done it that way”; more because it makes sense in the context of the business), terms and conditions (specific numbers and dates versus percentages and days out), and all the other specifics that the parties discuss and agree to.
  4. Move it all forward with “Yes, and…” and acknowledge at the start of the negotiations that those with whom you are working will help to keep the language in use.

Bonus Advice: take improvisation classes and practice the tools you learn. They work in all relationships and business dealings. And they allow you to laugh at yourself when you say something unintended so perhaps that’s a double bonus.

9 Universal Truths About Our Industry

Originally posted on Meetings Today Blog.  Sidebar refers to that publication

Universal Truth 1: “Der mentsh trakht un got lakht.”

This Yiddish saying is widely translated as “Man plans and God laughs,” or further considered to mean, “Humans plan and the universe laughs.” Sounds like a universal truth about what we do for a living as meeting and event planners, doesn’t it?!

Most of us in the meetings industry consider ourselves to be so detail-oriented and precise. How could anything ever go wrong after countless hours of preparation, right?

I’ve always wondered about the influence of the universe on meetings and events. I mean, really—what about the storms that pop up when you’ve planned the perfect outdoor event? Or the client who, after you’ve done so much work on selecting a site for their meeting, changes the whole program? And I wonder if there are “universal truths” for what we do in an industry* we all refer to differently.

First, I had to gain a better understanding of what a “universal truth” is.

Truth is considered to be universal if it is valid in all times and places. In this case, it is seen as eternal or as absolute. The relativist conception denies the existence of some or all universal truths, particularly ethical ones (through moral relativism).”

— Quoted from the “Universality (philosophy)” Wikipedia entry.

My reading about “universal truths” was extensive and you, I hope, will search more and consider what the term means for and to you and in your life. Through this blog, I’ll share my personal and professional universal truths; in this month’s Friday With Joan sidebar, you’ll read how many more “universal truths”—from here, often abbreviated “UT”—there may be for our industry, including what our industry is called*!

For most Friday With Joan newsletters, interviewing others is pure delight. Especially for this one, interviewing many of whom I’ve known and learned from and with for many years, gaining their perspectives of our UTs from a broad industry* was even more eye-opening, and allows us all to see possibilities that might not have occurred to us before.

This interview provides background and thoughts that you might not have known about me and may be of interest whether you’ve been in the industry for years, are new to the industry or are just starting to consider it.

Q1Why write this now?

Joan’s (JE’s) response: If you’re reading this on May 5, 2017, publication day, I’m just days away from a “major” (to me) birthday … which means either a “0”, a “5” or a “9”. With this blog post and a Friday With Joan newsletter coinciding with the occasion, and knowing I’ve lived certainly more than half my life and that of that life, more than 45 years have been spent in the meetings industry*, the editors and I thought a bit of Q&A, with sources unidentified, would make for a fun sidebar—if you can put names to each of the categories and send to me, I’ll award a prize for whomever gets them all right or at least the highest percentage overall!—and here with me might show the diversity of paths as a guideline to others.

More, I see our broad industry changing in many ways, such as with the growing belief that technology will solve all of our problems. Tech advancements impact everything from how we communicate and meet to the ways we deliver information, allowing connections we never imagined, except for in our “Buck Rogers-admiration days.”

Instead of paying travel costs for our speakers or to better accommodate conflicts in schedule, we might choose to bring them in via hologram. And it doesn’t seem too far-fetched to think that robots might one day staff the front desks at most, if not all, major hotels, resulting in the loss of an important entry-level role in hospitality. See the sidebar for more on the importance of the front desk to many careers.

Despite all of these “advancements” in hospitality and meetings, there are still a number of UTs that I believe will continue to hold true in our industry, regardless of technology.

Q2: In considering what a UT might be, it occurred the reasons given to the question “Why do you want to be a meeting planner?” might contain an answer. What is said and has been for years among those asked: “I love people. I’m great at details. I love to travel.” Are those then the universal truths of our industry?

JE2: I didn’t want to be a meeting planner and I tend to be uncomfortable in large groups of people. I’m good at word details but not all meeting details (I can do it but don’t love it), and travel? Feh! Born in Dayton, Ohio, to working-class and working outside-the-home-parents (now both of blessed memory) and into a neighborhood first economically and religiously diverse, and later, partly through my parents’ efforts, racially diverse, I am the proud product of public schools. A curious child who loved to read, an empathetic child and teen who wanted to fix the world, the options that I thought were open to me professionally were teacher, nurse, secretary, wife and mom.

Pictured below: One of my favorite pictures of myself back in the early days.

Q3: What do you think set you on the path—or destiny—to meetings and events?

JE3: I first organized events in the ’50s, creating street fairs to raise money for polio research when a neighbor, one of us who were in the test group for polio vaccines, contracted the disease. In high school, my activities included YWCA Y-Teens and statewide conferences of other young women, and the Dayton Junior Human Resource Council.

Later, stints as a volunteer for public television, where I was responsible for coordinating solicitation of items for on-air auctions, and at an art museum where we held museum-wide visual and performance art events, clearly put me on this still-unknown-to-me path.

Q4: What about formal education after high school?

JE4: It was expected I would go to college. I applied to only two schools. Accepted at both, I chose Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa, because (beloved to this day!) James Payne, my high school speech teacher recommended it. He wanted me to go into theatre and Drake had a great drama department. Financially it was impossible: I typed papers and did others’ laundry to earn money to pay tuition. More, educationally, at Colonel White High School in Dayton, I’d been spoiled by Mr. Payne in speech who pushed me to be a better teacher and trainer; by Lenore Clippinger (now of blessed memory) who allowed me and others to sit on the floor of her English Literature class—my first exposure to learning in a different setting; to the still amazing and beloved Civics teacher, Stanley Blum, who put our chairs in a circle in class and invited us to his home to talk about current events; and to the artist, Bing Davis who allowed me to sit in his art room instead of the boring-row-on-row study halls. I thought college learning would be interactive and involving, experiential … not memorizing facts to spit back for tests.

It was not a good fit. I quickly learned that I was a life-long learner—that my curiosity and love of reading would ensure I was educated more if it were not in a school setting.

I learned later, of course, that meetings were one more form of “classroom” setting and decided I’d work to change those settings. For his work in this area, I’m grateful forever to Paul Radde, PhD, for his research and the book “Seating Matters”.

Universal Truth 2: The influences of your day-to-day life will give you clues about your passions and how you can use them.

Q5: Then what?

JE5: I moved back to Dayton to work at the local newspaper in advertising, at my old elementary school as a teacher’s aide, and volunteering for a nationwide organization as a spokesperson for optional parenthood on radio and TV and in organizing conferences with the likes of Hugh Downs, Isaac Asimov, Stewart Mott, Ellen Peck and others as guests. Exposed to a bigger world, I decided to leave Dayton and move to D.C. after just one visit to our nation’s capital. I’d interviewed for and didn’t get a job as a volunteer coordinator prior to moving. I moved to D.C. July 1, 1978, with no job and no apartment but a place to stay for a short period of time.

While interviewing for jobs (hearing “you have too much experience” for this entry level position; “you have too little experience” for this senior level position) I volunteered at the association at which I wasn’t hired. I spent time in the newly designed by I.M. Pei [who just celebrated his 100th birthday] East Wing of the National Gallery to cool off and to, just as I did in Bing Davis’ class, gain inspiration from art.

One day, the executive director at the association where I’d not been hired as a volunteer coordinator, called me in and suggested I was a “meeting planner,” a term I’d never heard, and offered me an opportunity to help them design and execute their 10th anniversary with an expanded annual meeting. I said yes.

Universal Truth 3: Read and learn. Resting on one’s educational laurels is not enough especially in a world and an industry* that changes and is changed minute by minute by internal and external factors.

Universal Truth 4: Listen to what others see in you. They are often right and will provide opportunities.

I eagerly embraced this opportunity and discovered, through a colleague from earlier volunteer experiences, the existence of MPI—then “Meeting Planners International,” oddly headquartered in Ohio just miles from where I’d left for D.C.

At my second Chapter [PMPI] meeting, me, a strong MBTI Introvert (an INFP), hugged the walls until the late and dear, Bill Myles, chair of the membership committee greeted me with “Hi! You’re new here. Want to join my committee?”

Universal Truth 5: Say yes to opportunities to volunteer to expand your network of people, ideas and learning. Take advantage of all that there is in the industry and your community to do to meet and expand skills in a safe environment.

During the next years, I joined other committees, was elected to the Chapter Board, to the Chapter Presidency, to the International Board and became involved in PCMA and GWSAE (once our local affiliate of ASAE).

Yes, it was hard work. Remember: this was still when we used typewriters, telephones and answering machines! (Isn’t it fun to make oneself sound ancient?!).

Oh, and I started my own consulting company in 1981, in the corner of my studio apartment, with an IBM Self-Correcting Selectric Typewriter, a filing cabinet, desk, phone and answering machine.

Universal Truth 6: If you come from an entrepreneurial family, which I did, or seek out entrepreneurs, learn from them and their experiences.

Understand how you work best—with others or alone? Collaboratively sometimes and at other times, quietly alone? Being a consultant—the term “independent planner” is still used by some; “third party planner” by others but not a term I favor—and working on one’s own is not for everyone. And it’s not necessarily the answer to what to do between jobs.

It should be a commitment to you and your clients.

I have always worked hard at learning more and becoming stronger in specific areas. As an example—in 1984, a client, my company, and I, individually, were sued because the client canceled a meeting. During this experience, I learned more (thank you, Jeff King, Esq., at the time the attorney for the CLC now EIC) about legal issues. That led to opportunities to testify in the industry as an expert witness which I continue to do.

Universal Truth 7: Our industry and the contractual issues with which we deal are complex. It is best to learn more and have an attorney on call to assist. This truth is not going away.

Q6: We know you as a trainer/teacher/writer/mentor as well as consultant. How did that happen?

JE6: Opportunities presented themselves to write, teach, facilitate process, and work in ways that I never considered when I first fell into—or was predestined to be in—this industry*. With each opportunity came a fast-beating heart and uncertainty that I could really do what was asked. I’m not sure what drove me though as I look at my Strengths, I think they show clearly who I am and why I do what I do. Were it not for Bob Dolibois, Tony Rutiggliano, and Dave McCann, Tyler Davidson, Mary Parish, and Eric Andersen, I’m not sure I’d have moved so deeply into the areas that clearly fit me. Thank you all.

Q7: You’ve been recognized by many with awards and other honors. Did that propel you to keep doing more?

JE7: I’m smiling—one of my first national honors was from MPI as “Planner of the Year.” On the night I received that, an industry veteran came over to me and said “Well, I guess you won’t volunteer more now that you’ve gotten the honor” implying I did what I did for recognition. Nope, that was in 1990 and 27 years later, I’ve not stopped!

The honors have been appreciated—CIC (now EIC) inducted me into the Hall of Leaders; PCMA as Teacher of the Year and, much later, PCMA’s Foundation recognized me for lifetime achievement recognition as an educator, to date the only non- full-time academic to be so honored. The International Association of Conference Centers (IACC) honored me twice—first with the Pyramid Award for contributions to education and then with the Mel Hosansky Award, an honor I treasure because Mel was such a mensch and great industry writer and publisher. And HSMAI included me in the first class—with Jim Daggett, Keith Sexton-Patrick, and the late and wonderful, Doris Sklar of Pacesetters. There have been others and yet, I don’t work for honors. I work because I believe in ability to bring people together to solve problems, learn and enhance their lives.

Universal Truth 8: If you volunteer only for resume credit or a potential honor, think again. Consider what you can contribute back to strengthen our industry and how we are seen and what meetings do to strengthen the world.

Q8: So now what? You’re at an age when many—in other fields—retire. In fact, a friend of yours, a CPA, was required by what was once one of the “Big 8” accounting firms to retire at 62. Why haven’t you and will you soon?

JE8: Oh there are days on which I’d like to “retire”—to read and discuss what others are reading; to stay in bed a bit later and not have deadlines for contracts and presentations; to not travel with all the ensuing hassles now that I have some health issues that make it all a bit harder. But why retire when there is still so much to do in this industry and the world? Why retire until we stop setting chairs in straight rows and while there are still all male panels at industry events? Why retire when there are laws (like in North Carolina, Texas, and elsewhere) that impact the rights of those who come to meetings and work in our industry and communities? When climate change must be fought because some of our favorite cities for meetings are sinking?

As I looked at those who I randomly chose to interview for the sidebar, I was surprised at the ages and the lack of full retirement of only a few, even the oldest who is nearly 90! We need history to not repeat and we need future thinking to move us ahead. Perhaps, then…

Universal Truth 9: Together we can change the world through gatherings of people and to do so we must have those who are committed to coordinating the content, technology, venues, and all aspects of those gatherings be they meetings, marches, rallies, special events, tradeshows, or just a meeting of two over coffee.

*You’ll see that some call this the “hospitality industry,” others “the meetings industry,” and depending on the segment in which they work, tradeshows or exhibitions.  My preference is “meetings and hospitality” because that’s where I am and what’s understood. I wonder if we need a new term that encompasses some universal truths!

What’s your Universal Truth about your work and our industry?

Click here to view additional content in the 05.05.17 Friday With Joan newsletter.